22 november 2023
I have this phobia, it’s a strange thing.
Over the years it hasn’t faded or become less. Neither has it increased, it’s remained a static element in my life, inexplicable, powerful, uncanny. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just a powerful repulsion to certain objects. It is embedded in my earliest months, therefore is pre-verbal and irrational. The fact that I still have the response in its purest form, unmediated by words and a rationally constructed symbolic system means it is a direct conduit to my earliest sense of being. For this reason I have come to value it, even though the phobic objects repel me. In this respect it is a bit like the transforming bathroom bar of soap experience I reported a few pictures back, but because it is months older it has no tentative verbal framework like the bathroom soap experience, I place it as originating in my first year of life, geographical clues support this temporal assignation.
A few years back on suddenly encountering the phobic object I instantly had a kind of flashback and I think I understand its origins, but I could be wrong of course, my subconscious mind will never give the secret up and to be honest I value the mystery.
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